Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow.
Dads undergoing a divorce can feel a real sense of loss in respect to their children, especially if they are not granted primary custody.
So many of today’s dads are active in their children’s lives, coaching soccer, leading Boy Scout troops, or simply just helping with homework, housework, and activities.
If a divorce suddenly hits us, we may feel left out of our former roles, and most especially, the essential quality time with children.
- We no longer get to kiss them good-night every night, wake up and see their shining faces, or see them at breakfast and dinner.
- We no longer get to hear about their day, see their new bumps and bruises, or get to hug them before school. And this leaves a real hole.
- We might feel as if we no longer get to hear first hand what is happening with our children, as if we have to hear it all form our ex-spouses.
- Even if we have a daily phone call with our children, the organic sharing about our children’s lives might be missed.
- We have to work at the relationship with our kids more, trying to glean quality time out of the precious moments allotted to us.
It’s important to acknowledge that sadness and grief. We can talk about our feelings with the children; they can see that you are sad because you no longer get to kiss them good-night, without it being presented as a burden or a factor for guilt. Especially if our children are expressing their sadness, we can feel free to give voice to our own sense of loss.
Kathleen Dwyer-Blair, LCSW, BCD, Director.
My wish for you is that you are able to find the words to express your emotions, wherever you are in the divorce process.