Yes, we humans are complicated. That's why creating good relationships can sometimes be tricky to achieve, or hard, or in some extreme situations, seemingly almost impossible. Yet often, techniques are available that can resolve many difficulties. Discover more.
Have you ever found yourself on the receiving end of someone’s tirade while sitting in your living room, the board room, or at a family gathering? Have you found yourself screaming in your mind, “stop”, yet the word is stuck in your throat and you cannot even imagine saying it out loud?
Well, guess what? This is just what I’m encouraging you to do. It really is okay, and actually emotionally healthy to say, “stop” if we are feeling that someone is speaking to us in a way that feels uncomfortable or is unacceptable.
Don’t Only Yield to The Needs of Others
As an emotionally healthy adult, it is our responsibility to teach people how we want to be treated. We cannot assume that the other person knows how we are feeling, or if something is upsetting us. In part, this means if someone says or does something that is not okay with us, then we need and deserve to say, “stop.”
Do you find that saying, “I’m sorry”, is really hard for you, even when you are sorry? Or do you find yourself saying, “I’m sorry” often, even if there isn’t anything to apologize for? Apologizing to others for something we have said, or not said, or something we perceive we have done, may significantly affect our relationships.
When Saying I’m Sorry Isn’t an Apology
How we apologize to someone is critical. If our apology comes with an explanation, or an excuse, it’s really not an apology. For example, if you phrase your apology such as, “I’m sorry that I yelled at you, but I didn’t like what you said.” This justification for your action is no apology.
So many of us have held back saying something that we think or feel for fear of the reaction by another. Whether that other is a loved one, acquaintance or stranger, more often we “stuff” our feelings and/or leave important words unsaid.
We may be afraid that the other person will be discontent, disappointed, or angry with us. Some of us may not be willing to take the perceived risk of speaking our truth, thus saying nothing and ending up angry or resentful or angry ourselves.
Do you find yourself surrounded by people who constantly complain? People who just consistently bitch and moan about almost everything? They seem to look at the cup as being half empty instead of half full. Everything seems wrong and nothing seems right. They complain about the weather, their coworkers, their partners, the government, their children, traffic, and in-laws. They constantly talk about how great life used to be and how things are so different now.
Many people, either due to smaller family sizes, extended distances, frequent moves, few friends or solitary personality types, find ourselves alone at the holidays. We may also have chosen to remain apart from family for our own emotional health. No matter the reason, the holidays can bring up intense feelings of loneliness, nostalgia, and sadness as we try to just “make it through”.
The dating world can be extremely exciting, however it can also be daunting and a lot of work. More than in any other realm, we would be wise to use our intuition and our observing self. If we don’t, we risk ending up one of the many couples who separate, end in divorce or even just in loveless marriages.
Texting has now become our way of communicating with each other, often taking the place of face to face dialogue. Many of us may see this as a good thing. After all, it’s efficient; we no longer have to answer the phone and interrupt our work or activities, we can just look at the phone at a time that’s convenient, and respond when it’s convenient. However, texting has some impactful downsides.
It’s going to come as no great surprise to many of us that the secret to making a gay relationship work is the same as for any other relationship, whether that be with people at work, family, or our partners: we have to learn how to communicate in a positive way.
In terms of men and women who identify themselves as LGBT in New York, and by extension, Long Island, we’re definitely among the highest percentage per population in the country at 3.8%. [source: Wikipedia.com] And that’s a great thing! It means more support networks, more understanding of our uniqueness, and more chances for a great relationship.