Setting Limits on Everything but Love

By: John Lee best-selling author of The Flying Boy:

In a nutshell, a boundary says “this is how close you can come to me—physically, emotionally, spiritually, informationally, sexually, financially…” and so on. Then, what is a “limit?”  Limits are less known by more people than boundaries, and even professionals confuse boundaries with limits, if they even discuss them with their clients at all. There is a huge important difference, and knowing it will reduce anger, rage, and regression* significantly.

Many people have trouble knowing what their limits are both in their personal and professional circumstances.  Mildred, a very compassionate and thoughtful mother and owner of a resale-clothing store, called very upset and angry. “I’m so angry with my son I don’t know what to do,” were the first words after “hello.”

Mildred continued, “I told him I would put him through two alcohol and drug treatment programs and then he would be on his own.”

“How is that going?” I asked.

“Not too well. That is why I’m so mad at him. I have now put him through four of the most expensive, best treatment centers in the country.”

Boundaries:  A Great Gift for Everyone

By: John Lee, best-selling author of The Flying Boy

Let’s see… A sharp pointed stick in my eye, or going home for a visit?  What a difficult choice! Do we go to “Family Land,” ride the emotional roller-coaster, and lose our appetites, or can we return home and enjoy ourselves in a way we may never have before?

I used to be a southern Sisyphus--I would roll three huge boulders up the family mountain and down they would come. Roll them up again next time I went home, and down they would come again,. As you can tell, I wasn’t exactly looking forward to going home.

I would take a little trip down memory lane (which happens to be a cul-de-sac) and I’d go in to what the self-psychologists call a “regression”.  In other words, I decided to go home in my forties. By the time I got on the plane, I would feel like I was in my twenties and by the time my mother met me at the airport, I was headed back to my teens. I had imaginary pimples even though I carried a driver’s license that said I was almost eligible for Medicaid, and credit cards saying I was old enough to be ridiculously in debt.  By the time I got into my parents’ house and had one short conversation with my father (who by the way has to be right and know everything), I’d be about five looking to crawl into a womb.

Now how do I keep from feeling small or losing my adultness during stressful times year? The answer in part is by setting and defending my boundaries—something I didn’t know much about back then.

Shedding Our Emotional Skin

By: John Lee

Most people think fairy tales are only for children. If one looks more closely, you will find fairy-tales, fables and stories from quite a few cultures that are for adolescents, young adults, middle-aged folks and even elders. The one I am about to tell you is about many things but specifically about the need to grieve the past so the present and future can be fully inhabited and celebrated.

Once upon a time there was this King and Queen who wanted a child more than anything. They couldn’t have one no matter how many fertility clinics they went too. So the Queen heard about this Wise Old Woman who lived in the woods who knew about such problems and so she went to see her ...

The Truth About Psychotherapy

By: Kathleen Dwyer Blair, LSCW, BCD

The word “psychotherapy” is a broad term for many psychotherapeutic approaches of all kinds and is often used interchangeably with other words such as, “therapy” or “counseling.” It is important to note that only a licensed professional can provide psychotherapy.

Essentially, it involves a therapeutic process – one based on sound scientific theory  - that helps people resolve past and present challenges. Issues that result in unhealthy behaviors and patterns cannot be changed until the underlying causes are identified and dealt with. These issues often stand in the way of individuals’ own health and happiness and keep them from getting what they want in life.

Anxiety and Panic Attacks - What Are They Trying to Tell You?

By: Sara Dryburgh

In 20 years of clinical practice I have found that almost invariably anxiety and panic attacks are not conditions in themselves but are signals telling us that something else is wrong and needs to be attended to.

The 10 Most Important Things to Ask Before Choosing a Therapist

By: Kathleen Dwyer Blair, LCSW, BCD

Understandably, many people are not sure what criteria they should use to find a qualified psychotherapist. However, in order to ensure that your individual needs and styles are met, it’s vitally important to gather pertinent information before choosing a therapist.

Moreover, good therapists understand the importance of establishing safe and productive relationships with their clients and are more than happy to honestly and openly address their concerns and fully answer any questions they may have. (Be wary of therapists who seem annoyed or become defensive when you ask questions. This could be a sign of things to come.)