Grieving After a Breakup

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Breaking up, splitting up, cutting ties: no matter how you look at it, ending a relationship can feel like tearing in two. For both the person being left and the person doing the leaving, emotions are running high. Many people believe that after a divorce or breakup, life should immediately return to normal. However, grief is a normal part of healing heartbreak and moving forward with your life. This week, we address some of the myths involved in getting over the end of a relationship.

Myth: Breakups happen – and so, you should just get over it already!

grief and the Loss of love

It’s true that breakups aren’t uncommon – but that doesn’t make them any easier. 

When you are in a committed relationship, you invest a lot of your heart into making it work. In losing the relationship, you are losing all the hopes, dreams, promises, and goals for the future that came with it, as well as the financial, emotional, and spiritual support your former partner offered you. Like any other sort of loss, you need to experience the grief that comes with letting go.

grief is a process of experiencing and moving through feelings of loss. It is commonly described as occurring in five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Many people move in and out of these stages several times before coming to terms with the loss. In the case of a breakup, you may begin by feeling shock or denial that it is happening, followed by anger at the person or the situation; you may try to bargain by offering to change, then fall into a depression. Resolution comes from accepting the situation and beginning to move forward. 

Learning to Let Go

Perhaps you and your partner tried couples counseling or marriage therapy. Maybe you never made it to a therapist, but tried to work it out in other ways. In any case, there may be many regrets, questions, and “if-only”s floating through your head. For someone who is trying to sort out their thoughts and feelings after a breakup, often the only way to move forward is to give themselves time to heal. You can’t predict where life will take you; but you can commit to taking care of yourself in the here and now, healing your hurt and learning to grieve the loss of your love, hopes, and relationship.

The bottom line: Few people find it easy to move forward after a breakup. grief is a necessary part of losing someone you love, and it takes time to come to peace after it ends. Seeking the help of a qualified therapist or psychologist can help facilitate the process of healing. For more information, call us today at (516) 221-9494.

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